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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

    Yes I am back.  And I have an interesting question to pose to you all.  Right now, I am starting the process of packing up my child for her trip to college.  She is a freshman and it is her first time.  We are all a little on edge, a little nervous and a little scared.  I anticipate it all going well, even though she has about 40 pairs of shoes to find room for.  But this is her first time moving away and she is starting a new chapter in her life (that will definitely be the subject of many more posts I am sure!)

    But I was faced with the question of  "Well you aren't going to have to do this every year.  You won't have to go with her next year."  I thought to myself, "Huh?  Why wouldn't I?"  And people explained to me that she won't need me as much next year, that it will be so much easier for her.   There will be no adjustment period.  Blah, blah blah.  I said, what does any of that have to do with anything?  Why wouldn't I want to go down with her next year, if she wanted me to?  I have friends who have a child who will be a senior this year and they are taking her back to school.  I didn't think it strange at all.  Friends have said to me that I am still thinking of my daughter as a baby.  When I talk to them nd tell them of people I know who are still taking their almost graduated children up to school, they scoff and say the parents are too over-protective, and their children will never break free of these "helicoptor-type" parents.

   I don't see it that way (And funny enough, these are parents who wouldn't dream of letting their children walk around NYC and take the subways, something that both my children have bee doing for years now).  I don't see it as over-protective-ness or smothering them.  I see it as being involved and leting my child know that her parents are there for her and if she wants us we will always be there for her.  It's also what makes me comfortable and how I feel.

    What do you all think?


  1. I would go, as mom to 14 and 15 year old daughters, I hope to go all the way through. I would not show up or call constantly (hopefully ;) but to go and support their hard work and efforts? That's what it's all about! Letting go is a process, and taking them still makes it a gradual process and a success experience for them. I look forward to reading your words of wisdom as mine are not far from that point either. Way to go, mom!

  2. As you know, my son is a junior and we just returned from our trip to bring him back to school. Many of my friends have said "Why do you have to go? He's a big boy - he can do it himself". And while I agree that he CAN do it himself, does that mean he doesn't need any help? Well, my position was validated the other day. While my son and my husband were downstairs getting something from the car, I was alone with my son's roommate. He said to me "It's so nice that you and your husband came out here to help Andy - he's really lucky. I wish MY parents were out here with me to help." That boy broke my heart. Just because our children are now young men and young ladies, it doesn't mean they don't still want and/or need us.

  3. I think you should do what works for you and your daughter. My son goes to school a plane ride away and I was not supposed to go with him when he moved in for his Sophomore year. At the last minute, I ended up going and although I did a lot less than his freshman move-in, he was very happy and relieved to have me around to help him shop for his toiletries, and incidentals. He also surprised me by telling me that he did indeed want me to come up for Parents weekend--I dont think it's right to assume your college kid wouldn't want you there, so ask them directly but do so in a manner that reflects that you actually want to come! I college kid should never feel like they are bothering their parents. I think there is a wide gap between caring and hovering and we need to communicate with our kids to find out what works for them. Many