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Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Sounds of Silence

     It's the moment when you are having that "discussion" with your chhild that you reach the point where the unthinkable happens-they say or do something that goes beyond the point of no return for you.  At that time, I pick myself up and say "That's it.  I don't want to talk anymore."  And I don't.  I walk away and don't answer.
     People have told me that reacting that way is childish on my part, and that it is better to get it all out.  I don't agree.  People say hurtful things in anger and I am no different.  But to keep on going when the situation is escalating can get out of control.  For me, it is better to walk away and cool down, than say something that may last within my children or husband's psyche for years.  I always say"words mean something."
     My family like to talk.  It drives my husband crazy if I don't talk to him.  He will keep after me and try to wear me down to talk.  I tell him once or twice to leave me alone.  If he persists, I just get up and don't answer him.  But it isn't really about him, it's about the way I feel.  My kids will ususally be ok with me not speaking (not surprising!) and it really doesn't happen that often.  After a while things cool down and get back to normal.
     How do you all deal with arguments and do you talk it out or give the silent treatment?

8 comments:

  1. The teenage years are so tricky...but what I've found from being a junior high teacher and parent is that firmness and consistency are the best strategies. I agree that sometimes it IS a good idea to pause, take a breath, and then resume the conversation when you're ready. Walking away and never bringing the subject up again is not ideal, but taking a moment to gather yourself can't hurt!

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  2. It depends. Kids wouldn't mind if you don't talk at all (I bet they'd like it better--well, some kids). It would worry more with our spouse. Anyway, it was just right what you did than say something awful because of anger.


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  4. I am a silent treatment girl, not because I want to make the other person uncomfortable, but because I need to cool down and if I open my mouth again something I might regret could fly out.

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  5. I think cooling down is always a good thing. What is said in the heat of a moment is not usually constructive and often destructive. I also find that giving my teenager the silent treatment really gets across to him that Im just to mad to talk at that momen, or that I've made a decision- and it's final. It actually drives him crazy- because it interupts his plan to wear me down on certain subjects. Sometimes, it really is "enuf said." We can always revisit when cooler heads prevail.

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  6. Hi- It was great to have you stop by on my blog. Two teens and girls has been a whole different experience for me. One of mine likes to talk it out, and one gives the silent treatment. She can get too silent so I need to help her communicate, I find. The other one is much easier to deal with because you know where you stand and she wants it that way. I do what I need to do for them to show communication and try very hard to put myself out of the picture. When there is an explosion from any of us, we deal with that too, and it doesn't last long. And we thought there were problems with changing diapers! LOL.

    Sounds like we all are dealing with this.

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  7. My daughter is 7 years old, so I haven't had the experience of dealing with such situation yet. However, between my husband and me, I agree with you that once you've uttered those hurtful words out loud, you can never take them back. So it's important to be able to watch yourself while in an argument, and the minute you feel yourself getting emotionally out of hand, to pause, calm yourself down, and continue only when you are less emotional.

    I have the tendency to walk away and not deal with the issues at hand because I hate confrontations and arguments. But I've learned it the hardway, because those issues that I've swept under the carpet don't go away by themselves, and years later they come back bigger and much harder to resolve.

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  8. I am one of your new followers. I found you from the Mom Bloggers Club 500 followers I hope you can stop by my blog, Saving Your Green and follow back! I have a daughter in college (2 yr), and a 18 year old son that is attending college for the first time this fall. I had a bit of trouble with my daughter but really just not talking to me for a couple years. I think you have to set your ground rules before they are teens and then they know they still must respect you.

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